I was twelve the first time I ever got
close to punching someone in the throat. I had never felt that much anger and
contempt for another person. The individual was a teacher at my school and she
had called me a coconut. Had it not been for my deep seeded fear I had of my
mother, who was more inclined to violence than I was, myself and this teacher
might have exchanged blows. Coconut. "What a disgusting and dismissive term" I
kept thinking to myself. More disgusting was the general flippancy I received
from my peers and even other teachers. They didn't know why i was so angry...to
be honest I didn't know why I was so angry. However now I
do...its because I am black and only black.
The context was this: my grades were slipping and myself and
several other students where called after class to discuss our dip in grades
(all of us black). After a long speech about how we took no pride in our work
(because we hadn't attached colourful pictures to our projects) we were
dismissed with a stern warning. As I left the classroom the teacher called after
me "Julie, I must say I expected more of you...I've always considered you different
from the others...you know? A coconut." A small part of me died. Fourteen years
later I engage in a conversation with young man who proudly proclaims that he is
a coconut. A little more of me dies.
For those who do not know what a coconut is, it is a black person who
is said to act white. That is, like a coconut, brown on the outside but white on
the inside. I consider this a racial slur. I consider it a slur because, in
order to identify a so called coconut one would have to differentiate between
white behaviour and black behaviour. This also insinuates that a coconut abandons
who they are "brown" to become who they should be "white". So what is this
"white" personality that so many seem to have bottled up inside? Well, according
to my primary school teacher, it is one that does well in school and takes pride
in their work. Clever. Clean. Civilized. Is it not then safe to assume that the
coconut, who is only acting white, is fighting against their natural instinct
which is to be brutish, slow, dirty and uncivilized?
This is what enraged me about my teachers remark, only i did
not have the language to express it at the time. The insinuation that i could not be black, be
smart and take pride in my work at the same time was a profound insult to my
race. it had been assumed that up until that moment i was striving to be white
and a dip in my marks was a sign that i was failing at it; that i was
gravitating to my blackness. It was a jab at my personality, at my pride and at
my intelligence. I was twelve years old and i
had been exposed to my first stereotype; that work ethic was not in a black
person's genetic make up.
So i die a little every time i hear a sad tale of a happy
coconut. To hear that you are an exception to other black people is never good
news. To be exempt, to be different, to be better is not a compliment to you as
a human being but rather an insult your race. There is no white and black behaviour, only assholes and good people. And
a good person, a well spoken person, a smart person, a civilized person is just
that. And suggesting that they are that in spite of who they really are cannot be
interpreted as anything other than a slur.
close to punching someone in the throat. I had never felt that much anger and
contempt for another person. The individual was a teacher at my school and she
had called me a coconut. Had it not been for my deep seeded fear I had of my
mother, who was more inclined to violence than I was, myself and this teacher
might have exchanged blows. Coconut. "What a disgusting and dismissive term" I
kept thinking to myself. More disgusting was the general flippancy I received
from my peers and even other teachers. They didn't know why i was so angry...to
be honest I didn't know why I was so angry. However now I
do...its because I am black and only black.
The context was this: my grades were slipping and myself and
several other students where called after class to discuss our dip in grades
(all of us black). After a long speech about how we took no pride in our work
(because we hadn't attached colourful pictures to our projects) we were
dismissed with a stern warning. As I left the classroom the teacher called after
me "Julie, I must say I expected more of you...I've always considered you different
from the others...you know? A coconut." A small part of me died. Fourteen years
later I engage in a conversation with young man who proudly proclaims that he is
a coconut. A little more of me dies.
For those who do not know what a coconut is, it is a black person who
is said to act white. That is, like a coconut, brown on the outside but white on
the inside. I consider this a racial slur. I consider it a slur because, in
order to identify a so called coconut one would have to differentiate between
white behaviour and black behaviour. This also insinuates that a coconut abandons
who they are "brown" to become who they should be "white". So what is this
"white" personality that so many seem to have bottled up inside? Well, according
to my primary school teacher, it is one that does well in school and takes pride
in their work. Clever. Clean. Civilized. Is it not then safe to assume that the
coconut, who is only acting white, is fighting against their natural instinct
which is to be brutish, slow, dirty and uncivilized?
This is what enraged me about my teachers remark, only i did
not have the language to express it at the time. The insinuation that i could not be black, be
smart and take pride in my work at the same time was a profound insult to my
race. it had been assumed that up until that moment i was striving to be white
and a dip in my marks was a sign that i was failing at it; that i was
gravitating to my blackness. It was a jab at my personality, at my pride and at
my intelligence. I was twelve years old and i
had been exposed to my first stereotype; that work ethic was not in a black
person's genetic make up.
So i die a little every time i hear a sad tale of a happy
coconut. To hear that you are an exception to other black people is never good
news. To be exempt, to be different, to be better is not a compliment to you as
a human being but rather an insult your race. There is no white and black behaviour, only assholes and good people. And
a good person, a well spoken person, a smart person, a civilized person is just
that. And suggesting that they are that in spite of who they really are cannot be
interpreted as anything other than a slur.
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