I want to kick start this open letter by saying I am in no way an ageist, in fact I have family who were born in the 90’s and am able to tolerate them in small bursts. Having said that, I feel it is only fitting to ask you to do one thing: listen to yourselves.
I was inspired to write this letter after having a short conversation with a young man who was born in 1993. He was trying to explain to me why his life and experiences would be better than mine because he was a coconut. I trembled in the 35 degree heat as I tried my damdest not to pounce for his jugular like the panther that I am. He then went on to take all of his privileges for granted suggesting that access to running water and electricity had nothing to do with how one performs in school and that everyone should have an “equal shot”. My irritation turned to sorrow as I realised that this poor child had no idea what he was talking about, he was just quoting various catch phrases that the media and “grown-ups” were throwing at him and others his age.
I realised that a conundrum was at hand. As a child of the 80’s who can still smell the apartheid regime on the breath of my elders and can still clearly remember being the only black face in class, what was I to say to this young man? was I to tell him that being a self proclaimed coconut doesn’t not change the fact that he comes from “that side of town” and that his white friend may not be hurrying over for sleep over’s? Was I to point out that racism doesn’t listen…it just sees and acts. Was I to beg him not to listen to a damn thing a single politician tells him because; where one comes from and what one has will always affect where one is going and how one will get there? Or should I have just let him live in his blissful world of ignorance, sent him off on his unicorn and let him gallop into the rainbow?
The fact of the matter is that us old people are battered and bruised. Our bitter experiences have changed the way we move in society. I can’t objectively council a youth when it comes to this stuff because being called black bitch at the age of 12 by a forty-something old white man changed me. All my wit and charm counted for nothing and being a coconut would not have helped me. So I will say this:
Look to elders for guidance not for answers. Taste privilege but don’t forget the taste of deprivation. Touch the highest bar of success with your feet firmly places in the two roomed shack you grew up in. Take in every breath with the knowledge that it was fought for and listen to yourselves. Know what you are saying and why you are saying it. Stop trying so hard. Not everyone is going to like you but remember that has got nothing to do with you. Don’t waste your life trying…just be.
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