Sex-o-phobia

I'm scared of teenagers. Not because of their long arms and their greasy hair. Hell, not even their strange sms language is the source of my fear...no. I fear them because i believe that if one thinks about or wishes for something to happen for long enough; it probably will, and after conducting some self-funded research, i came to discover that the average teenager will wish that "Everyone would just shut up and die" at least three times a day. I would even go so far as to say that recent floods, droughts and glacial melting are 50% global warming and 50% wishful thinking from modern day teens. There are many contributing factors to this way of thinking; immaturity, hormones and inability to see the bigger picture...but I’m going to go ahead and side with the kids on this one and blame old people and sex.

The relationship that South African's past the age of 35 have with sex is much like a gremlin, it’s all warm and fuzzy in the light of day but don’t dare feed it after midnight or it will show you a side to itself that will scar you for life. I am generalizing, i realize, and so completely understand those who have set this article aside because "it has nothing to do with them". Having said that, allow me to share an example that may help sharpen my point before you dismiss me completely. Many (black and female) acquaintances of mine have recently gotten married, most (if not all) of them mentioned that the night before their wedding was the first time that anyone in their families had spoken to them about sex. Really? In a time of porn and hip hop, everyone is willing to risk holding off the "sex talk" until the eve of one’s wedding?

Young South Africans (but young South African girls especially) find themselves being passed a baton of silence when it comes to sex as if it is some dirty little secret that is only shared under duress. For most young women, entering into their teen years is much like finding a black cat in a dark room; you pretty much have to feel your way through it. Sex education comes in strange bursts; reproductive cycle, condoms and AIDS at school; and accusations of being preoccupied with boys at home.

Sex becomes either something people that love each other do, or something that whores do...and apparently there is nothing in between. Homosexuality of course is something that was born in the 80's and is blamed either on Somizi Mhlongo or English but does not come about without some form of influence; Gay teens are softies and Lesbian teens are going through a phase...Am i the only one who objects to this blatant flippancy towards important subject matter, during a stage that could be considered to be the most impressionable since the first five years of the human life?

Rather than risk the discomfort of a frank, concise but honest conversation with their teens, most parents will either shame their teens for even thinking about sex in the first place or scare them out of sex with child-birth videos and pictures of dying AIDS patients. Yes, teenage pregnancy has brought many an adolescent life to a screeching halt and yes, AIDS is a serious disease that has our country by the throat, but facts with no conversation are hardly effective. Shouting AIDS at the top of one’s lungs at the first mention of sex is much like showing someone pictures of mangled bodies at an accident site at the first mention of them wanting to learn to drive; it screams phobia. Dare i say that South Africans are suffering from Sex-o-phobia?

Whose responsibility is it to tell young women and men that their bodies are not up for negotiation? That objectification is by no means a compliment; that other than food and water, sex is one of the only other things that your body can crave without having had it before? That sex feels good...but there is no such thing as making love...love usually comes first. If not the parents, who? Surely parents owe honesty, at the very least, to their children. No agendas, no fears...just preparation.

I am hardly an expert, i mean i just recently shed the last traces of residue left by my teen years...but it is for that reason i am able to empathize. It is a difficult time. It is a time when everyone is demanding that you identify yourself when you really are not ready to. It is an unstable, ever changing time. It is a time when everyone seems to be talking but no one seems to be saying anything, so it is no wonder they want us all to shut up and die...it’s not like we are speaking to them anyway.