The seX factor

I look at this woman and I can't help but wonder. We live in a society that hardly accepts those of us who are considered normal. Our teen years are riddled with all sorts of cries for attention and approval from...everyone. The world in general has a warped relationship with sex and all things related. Parents would much rather have their children witness a beheading than have them witness a couple have sexual relations. So I...marvel at this woman, Lea T, and I wonder how tormented she must have been before she decide that enough was enough...that she would succumb to her femininity and leave the shell of masculinity that she was born with.

I am vexed at the 'boxed in' mentality that we as a society are so comfortable with. This is this and that is that and there is nothing in between. One only has to reflect back to the Caster Simenya debacle to see how uncomfortable we are with the idea that there may be more to life than what we thought. But I can understand...in fact I can almost sympathise with the idea of growing up with a certain ideal deeply intrenched in you and struggling to come to terms with the fact that the ideal may be up for debate. What I cannot and will not understand is our lack of empathy. We all know what it is to be a teenager. We are all fully aware of the amount of confusion and hightened emotion that comes with the dawning of each day. Teenagers are a bunch of tortured souls that will jump off the highest building at the slightest provocation...knowing that, how is it that we are unable to empathise with those who are faced with feelings that may be interpreted as abnormal?

For most teenagers the yearning for approval trumps every other feeling, all you have to do is look at the amount of teens that find themselves scribbling down a cellphone number quoted on a "Pain free abortion" poster. From childhood most are taught that the opinions of others matter more than their own. I don't know that parents know that when they "what will people say?" everytime their child does something out of order, they are setting their child up for major disappointment because; that child may end up trying to impress "people" at their detriment only to find out that "people" don't give a rats ass. Yes they will judge you and ridecule you...but then tomorrow they will find another freak to laugh at.

So this is basically a salute to Lea T who was honest with herself and others. I don't know what it is to feel displaced to the point of physical discomfort. I cannot begin to imaging how restless one must feel when they open their eyes in the morning and know that they are going to spend the next 12 hours lying to everyone they meet...I can only say that I respect those who understand that they are the ones who have to live with themselves.

(wo)man

Being a woman is tough. Not because of childbirth and the intricacy of applying mascara but because everyone (including other women) seems to hate you. I realise that this is a bold and generalised statement but not entirely unfounded or at least not in my opinion. The rape and domestic violence statistics speak volumes about how a certain amount of men feel about women, and then the fact that a woman will snatch another woman’s eyeballs out over a man says all there is to be said about the so called sisterhood. Women seem to be on the bottom of everyone’s list and nobody seems to know how they got there.

Frank discussions with female friends of mine have resulted in men being related to every being in the animal kingdom. Sentences are punctuated with hand gestures and are drenched with onomatopoeic slurs as women relate their nightmarish encounters with men they dub inconsiderate, selfish and ignorant. However, at the end of all the ranting and cursing…the cliché “boys will be boys” still prevails. Now I could take on the stereotypical feminist standpoint and throw my hands up in disgust at the way that men treat woman but that would be too easy. I’d rather point out the fact that we as a society have taught women how to treat men and in so doing cultivated the way men treat women. We worship men from birth. It is a sad truth that is apparently here to stay. I was naive enough to assume that women my age were enlightened enough to know that there really isn’t anything that superior about a man. So, imagine my horror when a woman my age with all her education and English said she would rather have sons because “girls are whores”.

We insist on making all sorts of excuses on behalf of the handful of men who treat women like rubbish and in so doing detract from those men who hold women in a high regard. We, as women, account all inappropriate behaviour displayed by men to them being men. I mean surely even men are insulted at the notion of them having absolutely no control over their penises (so much so that they urinate and scratch in public because apparently; once the penis has spoken...it has spoken).

We are living in a society where young gay men are being beaten to death for not being man enough. Lesbian teens are being raped to “cure” them of their “disease” because God forbid anyone says no to a penis. Women are married to men who have illegitimate children sprinkled all over South Africa and dare not stand their ground against the man of the house. Really? In a time when HIV/AIDS has our country in a choke hold, women are still allowing themselves to be subjected to repeated infidelity and physical abuse. In a time of female rights and feminist action there are still very few people who believe that there is such a thing as a husband raping his wife. In 2011 we are still making excuses for rapists…really? Now, I know the darkness that surrounds abusive relationships so I sympathize, however what frustrates me is how blazè most communities are when it comes to these situations. This “men are men” attitude is a load of rubbish.

According to (black) women the options are as follows: if you find a man you love you can either a) accept that he is going to cheat on you and ask that he has the courtesy to cover his tracks or b) leave every man that cheats on you and land up having slept with every man alive. We have been robbed of our confidence. We as women are not confident enough to expect any respect out of our relationships. All we expect is to be cheated on and beat on and if we aren’t we just assume that the man involved is some sort of master of deception. Women weaken themselves in the shadow of men, we women who start and end wars.

I find myself wallowing in a pool of disappointment when it comes to women’s willingness to shy away from the glory that is rightfully theirs. When a woman is confident in herself and does not depend on the opinion of another, whether they be male or female, I believe she flourishes in ways that far surpass anything she could have imagined for herself.

Now I am not a bra burning feminist, I am even honest enough to admit that in the modern world; I do not really know what true feminism is. What I do know that I am stubborn and I wish that a few of my sisters would be a little more stubborn with me. I wont try and do every little thing a man does…but I will never let a man tell me what I CANNOT do.

BLue Valentine

If you have ever gotten to a point in a relationship where you literally cannot do it any more...this is a movie you would relate to. It allows you to watch a relationship disintergrate to a point of resentment.

Ryan Gosling delivers as per usual with his delicate yet honest depiction of his character and Michelle Williams shows massive growth as transcends *in our minds* into a mature actress who owns her character and all its ugly emotions...loved this movie and i think anyone who has had to give up on what they THOUGHT was love will too...

Sexual Chocolate

i dont know what it is about a dark skinned brother...but everybody loves them. i mean everybody! Sisters line up and scratch one anothers eyes out in the street over them. White women get all stealthy and land up on Ricki Lake using words they do not fully understand over them. Something about them...well i think it is a vaiety of things, not least of which is the perception that they are animalistic. These guys get away with sooo much! because they are "rough and real and they dont know how else to act" i mean the way people carry on one would think that the conversation is about a tamed animal.

Now i dont know what connotations you get when you think of a dark skinned, toned brother...but the picture i chose says it all. No one expects to be picked up, thrown over the shoulder of or carried into the mist by a light skinned brother...we dont think you're weak or anything we just assume you will be driving something. This raises a question...what is it about us that makes us think that a dark skinned person is just a little more in touch with thier roots? And further more...these roots that we reffer to...why are they so sexual and crazy and chest bashing.

...we are a confused nationality...and this is why the chinese are winning...